mummybearsblog

Blogging all things parenting… and sometimes a bit in between ;)

I’m tired of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome ~ why I’m putting my anger to bed

on July 18, 2014

The Prompt I'm tired of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome

It’s fair to say that I’m generally a ‘live and let live’ happy-go-lucky person.  So when I saw that this week’s The Prompt was ‘anger’, I did wonder whether to do a blog post at all.  After all, with anger often comes resentment and that brings wasted energy and negativity…

 

However, over the past 5 years or so, I have harboured frustration, resentment, disappointment – ultimately ‘anger’ that I didn’t have the pregnancy or birth that so many other women are fortunate enough to have.

 

My pregnancy was complicated due to a low-lying placenta.  My birth experience was traumatic at best, due to pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome.  I had an emergency caesarean section.  Yes, I had been booked in for a planned section due to the complications, which medically I accepted but I hadn’t wanted an emergency section.

 

Deep down, I would love to have another child; a brother or sister for our little bear.  Deep down, I feel miffed, even robbed that the decision has been taken away from myself and hubby.  Deep down, those emotions ‘get me’.  Deep down.

 

I’ve never been able to push (no ironic pun intended) these emotions aside if I’m honest. Deep down, I’ve always hankered for answers to:

Why did it happen to me?

 

I’ll never get these answers unless I delve, deep down.  I don’t want to delve.  I’ve got a wonderful husband and an amazing, beautiful, healthy, happy little bear.  I’ve got a fantastic family.  I love them a million times over, deep down.

 

This love that I feel for them is more powerful than any of the emotions that have led to the ‘anger’.  And I thank ‘The Prompt’ for making me realise this.  The Prompt this week has made me ‘put it to bed’.

No more anger towards these pregnancy conditions.

More gratitude towards my family (not that I wasn’t beyond grateful already).

More love.

I’ll still raise awareness of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome.  I’ll still be a part of the facebook, twitter and blogging communities that support fellow survivors.

No more anger.

Just acceptance, love and gratitude from hereon in 🙂

 

mumturnedmom
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Post Comment Love

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Read my emotional and inspiring true story ‘Diary of a Complicated Pregnancy’. Available now through my website at Virtually All Sorts. 50% of sales to the charity Action on Pre-Eclampsia. …and visit my facebook page or follow me on twitter @ComplicatedPreg

Also available – my indispensable guide to avoiding ‘Working Mum Guilt’. Whether you are about to return or have already started back, this book offers practical solutions and feedback from real Mums with real families in real situations. Covering topics such as Post Natal Depression, childcare options, yours and your child’s development and time management – Ditch the guilt today! … and visit my facebook page or follow me on twitter @WorkingMumGuilt

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12 responses to “I’m tired of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome ~ why I’m putting my anger to bed

  1. emilytealady says:

    This is a powerful post. I am glad that you are helping others and raising awareness through your experiences. Wishing you all the best x

  2. I totally get the anger with HELLP and preeclampsia. I had those evil conditions too, at just 24 weeks. My baby, Hugo, fought so hard but died after 35 days. I’m still living with the anger, the thought of why me? My way of dealing with my anger is to raise awareness of HELLP and preeclampsia and try to prevent a mother or baby dying from a lack of knowledge or awareness of the signs and symptoms. I am glad for you that you have moved on from your anger. It will take me a long time to overcome the anger and perhaps because of my loss it will always be there. xxx

    • Leigh, I am truly sorry for your loss. You’re an inspiration to so many. It’s fantastic that you’re channelling your grief and anger into raising awareness. Keep going x

  3. “I’ll still raise awareness of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome”
    Anger can be a positive emotion because it leads to helping others, as you are doing.
    Great post. x

  4. I had a hard pregnancy too and was turned of to have another baby though I would want to. This post is really beautiful as I believe too that only love can heal anger. Thanks for sharing such honest post. #pocolo

  5. Oh, wow. I’m feeling really emotional having read this. One because I am so sorry that you didn’t get the pregnancy or birth, or possibility of future ones, that you wanted. But, to hear you thank #ThePrompt for helping you to work through your feelings really touched me. I always hope that the prompts will make people think, but it’s wonderful to hear that they have. I think that you are taking a very sensible and healthy step forward. I agree with your views on anger, I may find myself getting shouty and angry and frustrated, but I don’t hold on to it. That way lies regret and I don’t really do regret, such a wasteful emotion! Thanks so much for linking xx

  6. NaomiM says:

    Hi, I also had HELLP syndrome with my first and luckily the now nine year old was born at 33 weeks and is doing fab. I also had pe-eclampsia with the now four year old. We are survivors and I’m so pleased you are able to let go and focus on the positives.

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